Don't Shoot the Messenger: But Maybe the Messenger Actually Matters

By: Bryan Rudolph M.S.

Picture this: It's Monday morning in the locker room before practice. Jake, the star quarterback with a full ride to State, stands up and starts talking about how unfair it is that some teammates have to work part-time jobs while others get private training. How the "recruiting game" is rigged because some families can afford showcase tournaments while others can't even buy new cleats.

You look around the room. Half the team is rolling their eyes. Someone mutters, "Easy for you to say, Mr. Full Scholarship." Another player shoots back, "Maybe worry about your own game instead of everyone else's problems." The energy in the room shifts. What was supposed to be team motivation just became team division.

But here's what happened next that really got me thinking. Two weeks later, Marcus, a senior who works twenty hours a week at a local restaurant to help his family pay bills, said almost the exact same thing during a team meeting. Same message about unfairness in youth sports. Same facts about inequality. But this time? The room went silent. Players leaned in. Heads nodded. The conversation that followed brought the team closer together.

Same message. Different messenger. Completely different outcome.

The question isn't just about shooting the messenger, it's about whether the messenger can actually deliver the message to that audience.

The Messenger Paradox in Youth Sports

Here's what I've learned working with high school athletes: the same message delivered by different teammates gets completely different responses.

The team captain can say "we need to work harder" and get eye rolls. But when the kid who shows up first and leaves last says it, practice intensity changes immediately. Parents can preach about character and respect for years, but one conversation with a former player about leadership transforms everything. The coach talks about mental toughness daily, but when the quiet kid who battled back from injury shares their story, that's when resilience becomes real.

This plays out at every level. Think about professional sports, Colin Kaepernick kneeling during the anthem hit different than if it came from a benchwarmer fighting for a roster spot. When LeBron speaks about social justice, some people hear wisdom; others hear "shut up and dribble" because of his platform and wealth. Same principles, different credibility, different reception.

The messenger paradox is this: the very thing that gives you the platform to speak, your success, your status, your position, can also be the thing that makes your message impossible for certain audiences to hear.

The Awareness Ring: Who Has the Right to Say What?

In our Rings of Growth system, we start with the Awareness Ring because before you can communicate effectively, you have to understand your audience and your credibility with them. This applies whether you're a captain trying to motivate teammates, a parent talking to your athlete, or a professional athlete using their platform.

The brutal reality is this: not every messenger can deliver every message.

Think about it in your own life:

• Your teenager won't take driving advice from you, but they'll listen to their driving instructor

• Players ignore the coach's feedback on technique, but immediately adjust when a college recruiter makes the same comment

• Athletes dismiss mental toughness talks from adults, but transform when a peer shares their struggle with anxiety

The Awareness Ring asks athletes to pause and consider:

• Do I have credibility with this person on this topic?

• What's my relationship with the audience I'm trying to reach?

• Is my platform helping or hurting my message?

• Who might be a better messenger for this message?

  
  

The Power Structure of High School Sports (And Beyond)

In high school sports, different roles and experiences shape who can effectively deliver what messages. The senior with years of experience carries different weight than the sophomore still learning the system. The captain chosen for leadership skills is heard differently than the captain selected primarily for athletic ability. The athlete navigating recruiting pressure has a different perspective than someone focused on team contribution and improvement.

These dynamics don't disappear after graduation, they just get bigger stages. Professional athletes face the same challenges: their success can both amplify and undermine their message. When they speak about inequality, mental health, or social issues, their platform reaches millions, but their wealth and status create cognitive dissonance in audiences who think "what do they have to complain about?"

The reality is this: every athlete, from freshman to the pros, has to navigate the complex relationship between their position and their message.

Young athletes who develop awareness about this early gain a crucial mental performance advantage. They learn to read their audience, understand their credibility, and sometimes step back to amplify someone else's voice instead of fighting to be heard.

The Captain's Dilemma: When Good Messages Need Better Messengers

I see this constantly in captain development. The best leaders understand that sometimes they're not the right person to deliver a message, even if they're technically in charge.

Smart captains learn to:

• Identify who has credibility with specific teammates

• Find the right messenger for difficult conversations

• Use their platform to amplify others' voices, not just their own

• Recognize when their position helps or hurts their message

This is advanced mental performance work. It requires:

• Awareness of your credibility and limitations

• Focus on the goal (behavior change) rather than ego (being heard)

• Recovery from the discomfort of not being the messenger

Maybe that's what we need from our professional athletes too. Not necessarily different messages, but better awareness of when they're the right messenger and when they should step back and amplify someone else's voice.

Training Both Sides: Messengers and Message Receivers

Here's what the mental performance world teaches us: both sides need training.

For the messengers (athletes, captains, leaders):

• Awareness Ring: Understand your credibility with different audiences

• Focus Ring: Know when to speak and when to amplify others

• Recovery Ring: Bounce back when your message isn't received as intended

For the message receivers (fans, parents, teammates):

• Awareness Ring: Notice why certain messengers trigger you

• Focus Ring: Separate the message from your feelings about the messenger

• Recovery Ring: Reset when your emotions overwhelm your logic

The goal isn't to agree with every message. The goal is to be mentally strong enough to evaluate messages based on their merit, not just our comfort with the messenger.

Just like athletes train their bodies to handle physical stress, we need to train our minds to handle the discomfort of hearing important messages from imperfect or uncomfortable messengers.

Don't Shoot the Messenger, But Choose Your Messenger Wisely

The next time an athlete says something that makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself: Is my issue with what they're saying, or who's saying it?

And if you're an athlete with a platform, ask yourself: Am I the right person to deliver this message to this audience?

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do isn't speaking up, it's stepping back and finding someone who can deliver your message more effectively.

Sometimes the strongest mental performance move isn't defending your right to be heard, it's developing the awareness to know when someone else should be the voice.

Because at the end of the day, it's not about the messenger's right to speak. It's about whether the message creates the change you're trying to make.

The words might be as dangerous to your comfort as a loaded gun, but maybe that discomfort is exactly why you need to hear them, even if it takes finding the right person to pull the trigger.

After all, if sport is a religion, maybe we need to stop caring about who's delivering the sermon and start caring about whether the message is true.

But maybe, just maybe, we also need to be smart enough to choose pastors that the congregation is actually willing to hear.

The messenger matters. The message matters. And your mental training to handle both matters most of all.

Ready to build your own Awareness Ring? The athletes are already showing you how it's done. The question is: are you mentally tough enough to follow their lead?

About Rings of Growth Mental PerformanceWe help athletes develop the mental skills to perform under pressure, lead with purpose, and grow through adversity. Our Awareness, Focus, and Recovery rings create a foundation for athletic and life success that goes far beyond the scoreboard. Because the mental game isn't optional, it's essential.